Sync Weekly

Archive for the ‘General’ Category

Saline-O-Ween

Friday, August 28th, 2009

SalineOWeen

I have the honor of being part of an organization named Within R.E.A.C.H. that benefits homeless youth.  We are doing a huge benefit to raise money for the cause and it is going to be one of the biggest events in Saline County in a long time!


On Halloween from 10am-5pm we will have a carnival/fair at the Saline County Fairgrounds that is perfect for families. (more details at www.salineoween.com)

From 6pm-midnight we will have a MASSIVE hard rock concert!

Below are some of the attractions.

* Trick or treating for the kids!

* Costume contest!

* Giant inflatables like the huge slide, bouncy room, obstacle course and more!

* Carnival games for kids to play where they win prizes

* Music all day that the family will love! Below you will find all the acts you will see!

* Comedians and other entertainers like Craig O’Neil, Doc the Comedian, Michael Brown and many, many more!

* A dunking booth filled with media personalities and politicians!

* The Nut Queen “Beauty” Pagent

* All kinds of vendors with great things you want to see!

* A chance to win HUGE prizes to be announced soon!

* Much much more!

The DAY TIME music line up includes:

Brenda and Linda – Celtic

Higher Cry – Christian Rock

The AMAZING Steel Drum Player

Jeff Coleman and the Feeders – Country

The Mike Dollins Band – Blues

Thread – AWESOME cover band

Dead Celt Society

Also comedians Michael “Doc” Davis and Mike Brown as well as a magic show!

The Rock Concert features:

HOST – ANGRY PATRICK

Livid

Sufferkate

Monoxide Project

Finding Jimmy Hoffa

HEADLINER – ZOSO: The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience

Helping Abused Children

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

Ham

I am proud to announce that I will be performing for the B.A.C.A (Bikers Against Child Abuse) Ham & Jam Benefit on August 15th.

Yes….I WILL BE AT EDGEFEST but will leave early to perform. If you are not going to Edgefest please come out to MacDaddy’s and support this very worthy cause.

There will be four comedians and then a kick ass band afterwards.

Hope to see you there!

Those poor animals………

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

Kudos to Patrick for the lavish introduction.  For those of you that do not know me, my name is Matthew Baker, Esquire.  I was the sixth member of the late 80’s boy band, New Kids on The Block.  I am a well traveled scholar, former Rock, Paper, Scissors World Champion and I get pissed when Patrick gets on my celeb-crush, Lindsay Lohan. You can also read my blog here.  I may not be as ANGRY as Patrick, but I will assure you, I am twice as handsome.  We both love to screw with those that are “screwed”, so here goes.

I am not a supporter of PETA by no means.  I mean I judge cruelty as that.  CRUELTY!  Eating a steak dinner?  Not cruel.  Taking your Labrador to Michael Vick’s house for a party?  I have to wonder.  However, I read a story last Friday that made me cringe when I think of the cruelty these animals must have been faced with.

It seems that Amy Winehouse has been banned from taking in anymore stray dogs at her luxurious Cotton Bay Condo in St. Lucia.  As I read the story, I became honestly concerned for these animals.  The owners of the resort had to have Winehouse’s room fumigated to get rid of the FLEAS!  The article did not come right out and say who or what was responsible for the flea problem, but judging from the “pre-stray dog” photo above…………I think I know.  Winehouse should be punished to the fullest extent of the law!   I mean, the dogs had not received any of their vaccinations.  There is no telling what Miss Winehouse exposed these animals to (on top of infecting them with fleas).

I must say that I was pleased with the owners of the resort for stepping up and telling Amy not to bring in anymore dogs.  It is obvious that the owners were sensitive to the well-being of these defenseless animals and didn’t want anymore to suffer.

As for the dogs that were under her protection responsibility spell at the time of the ban, I feel quite sure they have been admitted to some kind of Canine Rehab Center to kick their newly formed drug addictions followed by a flea dip of epic proportions.

This just in…….”Drunk Diving ban for Amy Winehouse“.

“She’s regularly drinking large quantities of wine and rum and no one in her condition should be going anywhere near water.”

There is someone, somewhere, in St. Lucia that would argue that point.

-Esquire

Now, where’d I put those damn parachute pants?

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

capsac

Here’s the latest trend and it’s called a Capsac.

This is the LATEST trend? I’m pretty sure they tried this shit in the 8o’s and we didn’t even want it then. We were wearing pants that had 732 pockets, hypercolor shirts and stupid shoes called jellies and we STILL decided that wasn’t tubular.

Seriously, think about it. You have an effing wallet on your forehead.  First you’re gonna get robbed and then you’re get the biggest wedgie of your life for looking like a complete assclown.

The Capsac? Really?

I’d rather have my head adorned with a scrotal sack.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!

My Plate and Matt Baker

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

Me in Paris

So, things have been really crazy lately. And no, by crazy I don’t mean incarceration or prison shower love scenes.

My schedule has gotten so full that I have, at times, neglected you.

Here’s what my plate looks like and how I am going to solve it…

MY PLATE

Be good to my family

Write rant for Corey and Jay Show (www.coreyandjayshow.com)

Promote upcoming shows

Perform at Anger Mis-Management Comedy Tour Dates (www.angrycomedy.com)

Write new stand up material

Manage website, update facebook and myspace (www.angrypatrick.com)

Learn lines for movie # 1 – Tuckerman (www.independentguerilla.com)

Learn lines for movie # 2 – Drain (http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=96126463550)

Write and direct music video for Finding Jimmy Hoffa (http://www.myspace.com/findingjimmyhoffaband)

Work on the 2010 Arkansas’ Funniest Person Contest  (www.syncweekly.com/arfunnyperson)

(which will be at Electric Cowboy this year so we can seat everyone and not turn people away! AND….we are gonna have some BIG TIME COMEDIANS as judges and performers in some shows!

Work on the as yet unnamed benefit festival concert lineup for Within R.E.A.C.H. which benefits homeless youth in Saline County. This is gonna be a HUUUUGGGGGEEE event at the Saline County Fairgrounds and will have a lot of family activities and music all day long and at night it will be one BAD ASS ROCK CONCERT! HARD ROCK!  Did I mention it will be on Halloween? Oct 31, 2009

Book other upcoming comedy shows (like July 25th when Keith Terry (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2464063305431831935) comes to town. That dude is the real deal. He’s been opening for Michael Buble on tour. This cat is so good that I’M opening for him! )

That doesn’t even count things like eating and hanging the occasional monkey tail.

So, to the solution…

From time to time when I am overloaded and cannot be here, I will unleash Matthew Baker, Esquire upon you.  It is with great shame and head hanging I bring him into your life and yet, strangely, I feel so good about it. If you wanna see his style before he starts popping in here and there, go to www.esquireonline.net

Meanwhile, I will be working hard to keep my smart assery here on a daily basis and thanks for your angry love!

Patrick

ATTENTION!

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

jessica simpson national anthem

Jessica Simpson sang the National Anthem for something, somewhere.

I can’t seem to focus on anything but stripes. Not Sure why.

Hey, give her some damn credit! Look how excited she is about America!

Jessica, you are a true patriot.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!

Another Shower List Drop Off

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

mariah as a man 1

Apparently, Mariah Carey is using her new music video (where do you even see those at? It damn sure ain’t on MTV) to get Eminem back for all his sh** talking the past few months.mariah as a man 2

Sadly, I think she may look more manly than he does.  That really bothers me because I have always kinda thought Mariah was hot and ummmm…..

Why the hell does the one of her in the hoodie remind me of a rap version of Colonel Sanders?

I’m sorry, Mariah, but you are permanently removed from what I like to call “The Shower List”.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!

Reason # 1279 That I Hate Lady GaGa

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

gaga stupidest haie ever

Wait. A. Damn. Minute.

Lady Gaga,

Apparently you have ABSOLUTELY NO FRIENDS AT ALL.

Because if you did, before you left the house one of them would have said, “That’s the dumbest shit I have ever seen” .

I mean…WTF?

Were you headed to a party that combined Halloween and Sewing?

Did you need extra shade because you were gonna be in the Gobi Desert?

Are you carrying a couple pounds of weed in there?

Any reason other than those just makes you a slack-jawed, douchewipe.

Matter of fact, I hope Summer’s Eve is sponsoring your tour. If not, give ‘em a call. I’m sure they’d jump at the chance.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!

Greatest Waste of Time Ever

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

amy winehouse lego

I love Amy Winehouse’s music, however, I think Amy Winehouse is probably what Gonorrhea would be if it evolved into human form.  I’m pretty sure the military is working right now to create a biological weapon from her blood.

But as whacked out as I think she is, this guy is even worse.

News and Magazines are reporting that UK model maker craig stevens used 12,500 lego pieces to create a life-size figure of Amy Winehouse.

Need I say more?

Yes, I do.

Are you frickin kidding me? How long did it take you to make that, Craig? You could have built a sand castle out of your own doo doo and it would have made more sense than that.

Did you use a few green legos around the sexy parts that symbolized infections? A few black ones on her arms for track marks? Did you make sure to use some white legos around her mouth to get that “Oh So Classic Crackhead” look that Dave Chappelle perfected?

Craig, Amy Winehouse is a strung out, junkie. You sir, did this completely sober.

You’re an idiot.

I can’t wait to see your Tinker Toy version of The Olsen Twins.

Asswipe.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!

What do Abraham Lincoln and Hayden Panittiere have in Common?

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

hayden boat

Well, Megan Fox she ain’t but ok….

In the movie “I Love You, Beth Cooper“, Hayden Panettiere plays a high school cheerleader and the object of dorky Denis Cooverman’s affection, and in one locker room scene, the actress drops her towel.

“It didn’t bother me much,” Panettiere said of shooting the reveal. “I was fine.”

She added, “I have the body… if I can’t flaunt it at 20, come on! I might as well show it now.”

I couldn’t agree more, Hayden. Of course, this wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that the ratings for your show Heroes have dropped faster than a porn star’s underwear, would it?

Let’s get our facts straight here,

a)    I would likely shave my back with a cheese grater just to see you drop that towel

b)    That is about the only way you are going to extend your career. I’ve seen the show and I rank your performance level right up there with Jimmy Wigston. Haven’t heard of him? Well, he played Abraham Lincoln’s pipe holder in a riveting show that my third grade class put on.

Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t have minded seeing ole Miss Sharp drop the towel, either. I know I was a third grader but I caught her glancing at me. Some might say it was because I was climbing the bookcase like a spider monkey but I think she was just confused with the raw sexual power being put out by a 9 year old.  I’m sure her yelling out, “Shut that trap and get your keester in that seat” was simply a way to say, I really am turned on right now. Don’t you?

I think I may be rambling but the moral of the story is, more ladies should have the courage to drop the towel.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!