I have the honor of being part of an organization named Within R.E.A.C.H. that benefits homeless youth.  We are doing a huge benefit to raise money for the cause and it is going to be one of the biggest events in Saline County in a long time!

On Halloween from 10am-5pm we will have a carnival/fair at the Saline County Fairgrounds that is perfect for families. (more details at www.salineoween.com)

From 6pm-midnight we will have a MASSIVE hard rock concert!

Below are some of the attractions.

* Trick or treating for the kids!

* Costume contest!

* Giant inflatables like the huge slide, bouncy room, obstacle course and more!

* Carnival games for kids to play where they win prizes

* Music all day that the family will love! Below you will find all the acts you will see!

* Comedians and other entertainers like Craig O’Neil, Doc the Comedian, Michael Brown and many, many more!

* A dunking booth filled with media personalities and politicians!

* The Nut Queen “Beauty” Pagent

* All kinds of vendors with great things you want to see!

* A chance to win HUGE prizes to be announced soon!

* Much much more!

The DAY TIME music line up includes:

Brenda and Linda – Celtic

Higher Cry – Christian Rock

The AMAZING Steel Drum Player

Jeff Coleman and the Feeders – Country

The Mike Dollins Band – Blues

Thread – AWESOME cover band

Dead Celt Society

Also comedians Michael “Doc” Davis and Mike Brown as well as a magic show!

The Rock Concert features:

HOST – ANGRY PATRICK

Livid

Sufferkate

Monoxide Project

Finding Jimmy Hoffa

HEADLINER – ZOSO: The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience

You think it’s tough to run a business in the USA, check this out. There’s a company in Australia who is beating the bad economy by selling specialty paper. What’s so special about it you ask? Well, for starters it’s made from Wombat poop. The manager says, “When we’re boiling it, it does smell horrific but once it’s been sterilized and rinsed, it gives you a nice, organic scent.”

Are you frickin kidding me?

A nice organic scent? Come on man, it’s 2009 and we can’t even get something in a gas station bathroom that filters the smell of ass and you’re gonna try to sell me on the phrase “nice, organic scent”? That’s like calling Amy Winehouse a Chemical inhalation Specialist! First of all, who the hell was sitting around and thinking, man I wonder if I can make paper from this hot, steamin pile of wombat doo doo. How does your brain even come to that point?

Second of all, can you imagine if you went on a job interview and they told you’re job would be boiling wombat nuggets all day? I have to imagine that Turd Boiler is not an easy job to fill.  You gotta be pretty hard up to say yes to that one.

And finally, who the hell are you gonna write a note to on that paper? Because nothing says I love you like a note on a recycled turd. You want to give your lady something “organic” , why go second hand? Why not just take a piece of paper and wipe your ass with it and write the note when it dries out.

The bottom line: You can wrap it in festive paper, put a bow on and call it a Yule log but in the end…a turd in a bow is still a turd.

Check out the all new angry patrick website

Pet Fashion Week 09 was held this past weekend at the New York Metropolitan.  According to the website Pet Fashion week was created to provide a gallery for the refined pet lifestyle. The big event was a pageant that featured dogs and cats dressed in the latest fashions from New York and Paris, some of which cost thousands of dollars. Ahhhh man, that sounds like fun!

Are you frickin kidding me!

What the hell is wrong with people? Let’s just get this out there right now….if you put your dog in one of those stupid doggie outfits from PetCo then you are an idiot BUT if you literally spend thousands of dollars to dress your dog in a Versace gown and walk it down a runway, then you are a prissy ass, slack-jawed, ball gargling, ham-waxing, no life having, douchetastic little fruit fly who likely needs to be kicked in the crotch until reality comes back into focus.

And you know what really makes me sick? When people refer to their dogs or cats as their kids. Again, you self-deluded, asswipes….having a dog isn’t even remotely like having a kid.

You see, when I get mad at my two-year-old, I can’t just chuck him in the garage with a bowl of Science Diet and leave him to crap all over the place. Oh, don’t think I haven’t thought about it but I can’t.  When you call your dogs and cats “your kids” it just lets me know that you were likely too stupid to figure out how human breeding works so you just gave up and started playing dress up with Rover.

As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, I may need to recant. Please keep dressing up your dogs because God forbid if you did have children the kind of idiots they would be.

Check out the all new angry patrick website

I am proud to announce that I will be performing for the B.A.C.A (Bikers Against Child Abuse) Ham & Jam Benefit on August 15th.

Yes….I WILL BE AT EDGEFEST but will leave early to perform. If you are not going to Edgefest please come out to MacDaddy’s and support this very worthy cause.

There will be four comedians and then a kick ass band afterwards.

Hope to see you there!

I am not a supporter of PETA by no means.  I mean I judge cruelty as that.  CRUELTY!  Eating a steak dinner?  Not cruel.  Taking your Labrador to Michael Vick’s house for a party?  I have to wonder.  However, I read a story last Friday that made me cringe when I think of the cruelty these animals must have been faced with.

It seems that Amy Winehouse has been banned from taking in anymore stray dogs at her luxurious Cotton Bay Condo in St. Lucia.  As I read the story, I became honestly concerned for these animals.  The owners of the resort had to have Winehouse’s room fumigated to get rid of the FLEAS!  The article did not come right out and say who or what was responsible for the flea problem, but judging from the “pre-stray dog” photo above…………I think I know.  Winehouse should be punished to the fullest extent of the law!   I mean, the dogs had not received any of their vaccinations.  There is no telling what Miss Winehouse exposed these animals to (on top of infecting them with fleas).

I must say that I was pleased with the owners of the resort for stepping up and telling Amy not to bring in anymore dogs.  It is obvious that the owners were sensitive to the well-being of these defenseless animals and didn’t want anymore to suffer.

As for the dogs that were under her protection responsibility spell at the time of the ban, I feel quite sure they have been admitted to some kind of Canine Rehab Center to kick their newly formed drug addictions followed by a flea dip of epic proportions.

This just in…….”Drunk Diving ban for Amy Winehouse“.

“She’s regularly drinking large quantities of wine and rum and no one in her condition should be going anywhere near water.”

There is someone, somewhere, in St. Lucia that would argue that point.

-Esquire

Here’s the latest trend and it’s called a Capsac.

This is the LATEST trend? I’m pretty sure they tried this shit in the 8o’s and we didn’t even want it then. We were wearing pants that had 732 pockets, hypercolor shirts and stupid shoes called jellies and we STILL decided that wasn’t tubular.

Seriously, think about it. You have an effing wallet on your forehead.  First you’re gonna get robbed and then you’re get the biggest wedgie of your life for looking like a complete assclown.

The Capsac? Really?

I’d rather have my head adorned with a scrotal sack.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!

So, things have been really crazy lately. And no, by crazy I don’t mean incarceration or prison shower love scenes.

My schedule has gotten so full that I have, at times, neglected you.

Here’s what my plate looks like and how I am going to solve it…

MY PLATE

Be good to my family

Write rant for Corey and Jay Show (www.coreyandjayshow.com)

Promote upcoming shows

Perform at Anger Mis-Management Comedy Tour Dates (www.angrycomedy.com)

Write new stand up material

Manage website, update facebook and myspace (www.angrypatrick.com)

Learn lines for movie # 1 – Tuckerman (www.independentguerilla.com)

Learn lines for movie # 2 – Drain (http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=96126463550)

Write and direct music video for Finding Jimmy Hoffa (http://www.myspace.com/findingjimmyhoffaband)

Work on the 2010 Arkansas’ Funniest Person Contest  (www.syncweekly.com/arfunnyperson)

(which will be at Electric Cowboy this year so we can seat everyone and not turn people away! AND….we are gonna have some BIG TIME COMEDIANS as judges and performers in some shows!

Work on the as yet unnamed benefit festival concert lineup for Within R.E.A.C.H. which benefits homeless youth in Saline County. This is gonna be a HUUUUGGGGGEEE event at the Saline County Fairgrounds and will have a lot of family activities and music all day long and at night it will be one BAD ASS ROCK CONCERT! HARD ROCK!  Did I mention it will be on Halloween? Oct 31, 2009

Book other upcoming comedy shows (like July 25^th when Keith Terry (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2464063305431831935) comes to town. That dude is the real deal. He’s been opening for Michael Buble on tour. This cat is so good that I’M opening for him! )

That doesn’t even count things like eating and hanging the occasional monkey tail.

So, to the solution…

From time to time when I am overloaded and cannot be here, I will unleash Matthew Baker, Esquire upon you.  It is with great shame and head hanging I bring him into your life and yet, strangely, I feel so good about it. If you wanna see his style before he starts popping in here and there, go to www.esquireonline.net

Meanwhile, I will be working hard to keep my smart assery here on a daily basis and thanks for your angry love!

Patrick

Jessica Simpson sang the National Anthem for something, somewhere.

I can’t seem to focus on anything but stripes. Not Sure why.

Hey, give her some damn credit! Look how excited she is about America!

Jessica, you are a true patriot.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!

Apparently, Mariah Carey is using her new music video (where do you even see those at? It damn sure ain’t on MTV) to get Eminem back for all his sh** talking the past few months.

Sadly, I think she may look more manly than he does.  That really bothers me because I have always kinda thought Mariah was hot and ummmm…..

Why the hell does the one of her in the hoodie remind me of a rap version of Colonel Sanders?

I’m sorry, Mariah, but you are permanently removed from what I like to call “The Shower List”.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!

Wait. A. Damn. Minute.

Lady Gaga,

Apparently you have ABSOLUTELY NO FRIENDS AT ALL.

Because if you did, before you left the house one of them would have said, “That’s the dumbest shit I have ever seen” .

I mean…WTF?

Were you headed to a party that combined Halloween and Sewing?

Did you need extra shade because you were gonna be in the Gobi Desert?

Are you carrying a couple pounds of weed in there?

Any reason other than those just makes you a slack-jawed, douchewipe.

Matter of fact, I hope Summer’s Eve is sponsoring your tour. If not, give ‘em a call. I’m sure they’d jump at the chance.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!