Wait. A. Damn. Minute.

Lady Gaga,

Apparently you have ABSOLUTELY NO FRIENDS AT ALL.

Because if you did, before you left the house one of them would have said, “That’s the dumbest shit I have ever seen” .

I mean…WTF?

Were you headed to a party that combined Halloween and Sewing?

Did you need extra shade because you were gonna be in the Gobi Desert?

Are you carrying a couple pounds of weed in there?

Any reason other than those just makes you a slack-jawed, douchewipe.

Matter of fact, I hope Summer’s Eve is sponsoring your tour. If not, give ‘em a call. I’m sure they’d jump at the chance.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!