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Posts Tagged ‘crazy’

Greatest Waste of Time Ever

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

amy winehouse lego

I love Amy Winehouse’s music, however, I think Amy Winehouse is probably what Gonorrhea would be if it evolved into human form.  I’m pretty sure the military is working right now to create a biological weapon from her blood.

But as whacked out as I think she is, this guy is even worse.

News and Magazines are reporting that UK model maker craig stevens used 12,500 lego pieces to create a life-size figure of Amy Winehouse.

Need I say more?

Yes, I do.

Are you frickin kidding me? How long did it take you to make that, Craig? You could have built a sand castle out of your own doo doo and it would have made more sense than that.

Did you use a few green legos around the sexy parts that symbolized infections? A few black ones on her arms for track marks? Did you make sure to use some white legos around her mouth to get that “Oh So Classic Crackhead” look that Dave Chappelle perfected?

Craig, Amy Winehouse is a strung out, junkie. You sir, did this completely sober.

You’re an idiot.

I can’t wait to see your Tinker Toy version of The Olsen Twins.

Asswipe.

Check out the ALL NEW Angry Patrick website!

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Jesus Sells Fords

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
Of course I see it. Riiiiiight.

Of course I see it. Riiiiiight.

In Dade City Florida, Jesus has been found! Well, at least his image. Where you may wonder…well, this image of Jesus appeared on a door at a car dealership.

Are you frickin kidding me?

I thought we had hit the rock bottom of Jesus sightings when he appeared on a piece of toast. Because I’m sure Jesus would soooo show up at a car dealership. You know why? Because Jesus wants to know what it will take to get you into that Ford F-150 today! Good credit, bad credit, no credit…Jesus has the financing hook up you need!

Come on, man….seriously. At this point someone could take a dump and look down and find Jesus or Mary and it’s gonna get some kind of press. All I can say is, well, Jesus.

Besides, we all know if Jesus did sell cars it would be Honda.

If you need to get the full details so you can make a pilgrimage to get your Jesus door on then click HERE.

www.angrypatrick.com

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Posted in Angry Picture Time, Crazy Products, General Angry Rant | 1 Comment »

You did what to your what?

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

Run Sparky Run!

Run Sparky Run!

The news story reads:

“Police were called to the Aliso (Calif.) Town Center on March 15 after a woman telephoned 911 to report being attacked near the center’s fountain by another woman, who had flung her dog’s feces at her and her infant. The flinger was said to be upset about complaints from passersby about the enema she was giving her dog in public.”

Ok….where do I even begin with this? Let me tell you something, if it comes down to my dog having to pass something that feels like a brick or me giving Fido an enema….that dog is in for a rough time the next time he squeezes one out. I might feed him some ex lax. BUT AN ENEMA? ON A DOG? Oh hell no! And she was doing it in public? Let me address this properly…

Dear Dog Enema Giver,

I am not sure why you were giving your dog an enema. Probably because you’re a complete whackadoo who likes traumatizing your dog by cramming things in its butt in the name of helping it live longer. Well here’s some news lady, Sparky doesn’t want to live longer if it means you are gonna keep going prison rules on him. But, you know, if you wanna assault your dog in private, I guess that’s between you and the policeman that finally catches you. But NO ONE….except for some pervert with a Labrador fetish…wants to see you shove a tube up Sparky’s arse and start flushing out his butt nuggets right there in the town square.

You are a complete moron.

In summation, please take Sparky, all your dog butt rape supplies and take yourself home and away from us.

And, if you had thrown “feces” at me and my baby, your dog would be laughing right now because I would have given you an enema with a size 10 Adidas.

Sincerely,

Angry Patrick

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She loves me, she loves me not…

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

linlo

On TMZ Lindsay was asked about the break up with Samantha Ronson. To which she said,

“You make it seem like it’s over — it’s not.  People take breaks … it’s OK … it’s normal … focus on themselves.”

Ummmm….Lindsay….she took out a frickin’ restraining order on you. Is that what you call taking “a brecodependent_no_more1ak”? So, I guess that would make the police “relationship mediators” and their tasers are just “time out helpers”? Right?

This behavior is all really so shocking considering the maternal influence Dina Lohan has had. I mean, hell, she practically epitomizes motherhood…if you’re a piranha.

Here’s an idea, Linds…why don’t you pick up the book Codependent No More, lock yourself in your house and read that mother$%^$^%$ about 10 times in a row.

And although it’s not in the book, I bet Melody Beattie would agree with me that “taking breaks” don’t generally involve people with badges and strip cavity searches…unless it’s role playing night….which I would know nothing about. As my wife would tell you, if I were in a “role” it would likely be considered a “short film”. However, I do have that white boy, overbite excited look down pat and I’m also very good with the “hey, did he already fall asleep?” role.

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Hey Buddy, Could Ya Spare Some Change?

Friday, April 3rd, 2009
rourke-1

picture courtesy of www.webstersismybitch.com

Normally, when you see something like this it means you are about to be asked for a dollar followed by the statement, “My car broke down and I just need bus fare to get to Michigan because my mom is really sick.” I did say NORMALLY that’s what you would hear. But this is Oscar nominee, Mickey Rourke, who is clearly out of his damned mind. I would expect having a conversation with him to be just slightly less coherant than my 19 month old who really only says mama, dada and digga-digga-digga, whatever the hell that means. I do imagine that Mickey’s choice of vocab might be somewhat different. Instead of mama and dada it might be smoka and cracka. And then he would probably still say digga-digga-digga. rourke-2

And, I swear to God, I looked at that same shirt at Kohl’s just the other day….I was thinking about buying it….FOR MY WIFE. Back to my point…Any man that would wear that shirt is either completely out of his gourd and huffing paint all week long or he is packing something that looks like a fire extinguisher in his pants. Either way, is that a situation where you say to yourself, “Yeah, I could date him.”. Girls and guys….please chime in and let me know what that would be like…

If you see this guy anywhere around I suggest you look the other way. NO EYE CONTACT AT ALL! You might even start yelling rape just to be safe.

p.s. Real nice touch with the beer in the pocket. That’s class all the way!

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